Crying Toddlers; A Thank You to Parents

I just feel like I need to say publicly (well, you know, as public as this blog is...which isn't all that public) that I really appreciate seeing other kids cry.

Yeah, let me explain:

As a mom, I guess I can be a little hard on myself at times. All mothers are. And, as much as I try to resist--I always end up playing the comparison game. Everyone hates that game, but no one seems to have figured out a way to stop playing.

So, when my two-year old starts screaming and crying in public, one of my first thoughts is usually, "No--really, she's not a brat! She's just a two year old! Don't judge my mothering!!"

I know, I know....pathetic. But, it's the truth.

So, when I see other kids scream and cry in public and I watch the mom and/or dad's face plummet with humiliation and frustration, I have to give a little smile their way. First of all, because I find that little, understanding smile encouraging. But mostly, I smile as a thank you. Thank you for making me feel normal. Thank you for helping me know that by nature toddlers are just fussy human beings. Their emotions are a roller coaster we can't get off of. It's not just my daughter that has the occasional desire to reek havoc on the ears of everyone in the grocery store--there are other toddlers with the same thing goin' on. I know, because I've heard them. Who hasn't?

So again, THANK YOU all you parents out there with sweet kids that just don't know how to control all their emotions yet. Thank you for dealing with their public bouts of rage and inconsolable sorrow--even though I know it can feel hard, humiliating, and sometimes like you want to punch a hole in the wall. Thank you, because I have a little one just like yours, and it's nice to know we're all in the same boat--trying as best we can to raise good kids. THANK YOU for making me feel better about myself....maybe that's not such a great comfort to you in the midst of the battle of tears, but I thank you all the same!

Why I won't teach my children to be different

It's okay to be the same--look how cute we are!

Okay, before you start freaking out, I won't teach my children to just "be the same" as everyone else either. At least never on purpose.But lately I think society has taken an interesting turn from valuing sameness to valuing contrast. Nowadays it's all about what you know that other people don't; what you wear that other people don't; what you say that you think other people won't; what you do that you think other people don't. It's like when we were all kids and we couldn't choose the same favorite color as any of our siblings--heaven forbid Clare and I both love the color pink! How will anyone ever see me as more than just Clare's sister if we BOTH like pink?!?! [Note: true story. That's why purple was officially my favorite color growing up. But you can't tell me I'm the only kid that went through that! Please tell me I'm not the only kid who went through that....].

My point is, it's all getting a little ridiculous. I had written various examples to describe just how ridiculous I think it is, but that made this post really long so I cut them out (you're welcome).

I definitely suffered from "gotta be different" syndrome through all my teenage years--basically right up until I turned 20 (I say suffered, but my symptoms were never that severe--at least not comparatively). For instance, I never wore make-up basically until I got married. I'll admit part of it was that after going so long without wearing make-up, the attention I got when I did wear it was embarrassing to me. But, I also liked that it made me different from my peers. It made me feel like I was better than other girls--like I was less vain (ironically enough). I felt like me not wearing make-up was cool because I was saying "no" to a popular trend.

We got engaged in China. Try to beat that hipster!

You see, that's just one of the problems with the different movement--putting yourself above your peers in one way or another. When I talked to others about not wearing make-up, it made me feel like all those other girls didn't even KNOW. The reason that being different feels so good and can be almost addicting, is because it feeds our vanity and pride into big enough traits to block out other big traits like self-doubt and insecurity. Unfortunately, the easiest way to deal with our own feelings of low self-esteem is to make ourselves feel superior to another person--either by putting them down, or raising ourselves above them, or both. Trying too hard to be different, does both. It puts a person up on a pedestal while making others look like idiots.

Now, this is not to say I think being different is bad--that is NOT my point! If someone is different without needing to show it off, they obviously don't fall into the same pitfalls as those trying so hard. It's the intense need to feel different that I think can be so damaging to people. So many people seem to be rejecting the idea of conformity (which I agree definitely has it's own problems) in order to value being different, but in fact both ideals have the SAME main problem: both require basing personality off of everyone BUT the person in question. In other words, whether I'm caught up in trying to fit in to what everyone else is doing, or whether I'm caught up in trying to not be like everyone else, all I'm really doing is giving the power of personal choice to everyone but myself.

I don't want to teach my kids to conform to whatever their peers are doing. But I also don't want to teach them to base their self-worth off of how much they stand out from the crowd. I just want to teach my kids to be themselves--no matter what anyone else is doing or being. Let me reiterate for emphasis:

Be yourself--even if that means being different and even if that means being the same.

Because that is the only way we can truly learn to love ourselves and love all those around us. And what is happiness but the giving and receiving of love? I want my children to live the happiest lives ever known to the human race! And that means teaching them to find out who they are by looking within, not without.

Loving this girl for everything she is

It's something we all struggle with--trying to find the balance of loving ourselves without falling into a false sense of superiority. But it can be done. I still sometimes fall into the trap of wanting to be different just to make myself fell better. But I have to remind myself that whether I'm different or the same doesn't matter--as long as I'm me.

So, let's not be afraid to like the color pink, too! And what's more, let's not even let it bother us. In the end, individuals are individuals--there will always be differences enough for real loved ones to treasure. Maybe we should take time to treasure the similarities, too.

Confessions of a Young Mom

This is my confession:

Sometimes I let myself wonder if I'm "cut-out" to be a mom. Mostly for the following reasons:

1. Boredom. I stay at home with my now eleven-month old baby all day. I don't live close enough to any family members and haven't made good enough friends to feel like I can go "hang-out" all day with people. So, almost every day it's just me and Ellie. It's fun to play with her for a little while, but am I expected to play with her for eight hours while my husband is away at work? Straight? The internet says that if I let her watch too much TV with me that I'm a bad mom because it could cause problems for her later--ADHD or something. Also I can only watch so much TV during the day. I try to read, but of course at eleven months, whatever I'm 'playing' with is way cooler than anything Eleanor is playing with, so then it's really just a constant game of tug-of-war. We both get pretty sick of that game after a while. Then of course I try to write or do other things on the computer, but then she can't stand that I'm ignoring her and once again playing with something cooler than what she has. So, she cries at my feet instead. This is something else I can only take for so long. Eleanor could do it all day though. So, what can I do? Sit there. Just sit there. All day. Watching her play and occasionally interacting--sneaking little moments that I can to read, work-out, or write--those little moments when she's preoccupied for a few minutes or right before she's noticed I'm not paying attention to her anymore. I'm bored SO much of the time. I'm thinking this will change as she gets older, but as of right now I have to wonder, do 'good' moms do nothing but play with their baby all day?

2. Not being able to get out. This kind of goes along with the boredom thing. But, the thing with Ellie is that she really is such a good baby when she's entertained, and entertaining her is usually not that hard to do. She's super social and is great when we do get to go and do other things with other people/kids. I would love to do some kind of volunteer work in the community or get involved with things. But then I think, who would even let me volunteer with a baby tag-a-long? Even if I knew she'd be fine just being in a new place, I couldn't go and try to do anything. Then, of course, even if I did find something to get involved in that Eleanor could come along with, I don't have a car. I guess that has nothing to do with whether or not I'm a good mom, but I'll admit sometimes I think about some of the things I could do if I didn't have to stay at home with her all day.

3. I am so much more impatient than I ever remembering being pre-baby. Eleanor is like her mom--utterly depressed without attention. She's also like her dad--bored with things way faster than should be possible. So, the result is a lot of "fake" crying/whining. All the moaning and screaming without the tears. I get so sick of it some days I just want to scream. My worst confession is that I actually have a few times. I'm pretty much completely positive it's impossible for this child to play by herself for more than three minutes at a time. The worst is when I try to do dishes while she's awake--she just pulls on my legs and "cries" the entire time. It doesn't matter how many toys I put on the floor next to me. Who knew someone would hate me doing dishes more than I do! I am, thus, often very frustrated and frazzled throughout the day as I try to do things around the apartment or for myself.

I guess if that's it I can't be doing too terrible, right? Hmmm.

At any rate, I feel like the only things I hear on blogs and from moms is how wonderful being a mom is and how perfect their children are (I'm aware this is untrue and simply my self-pity fooling with my brain). Granted the moms who have a few more kids will usually rant about how crazy keeping track of more than one is--and how their life is constantly going. Those, I'm sure, will be comforting to hear/read in the coming years, but for now I feel like, AM I THE ONLY ONE?!??! I hope not. That would make me feel preeettty stupid.

To end on a much more positive note, these are some of the things that make it all worth it:

1. It's so easy to make this baby girl laugh it's ridiculous. Ridiculously awesome, that is. She laughs ALL the time and all day, so long as anyone gives her any attention. Sometimes all I have to do is make a silly face and she's laughing and jumping and clapping. Too cute. She LOVES to play--way more than she loves exploring. I'd say she's pretty typical compared to her age group when it comes to loving knew things, but there's a reason she rarely leaves the room I'm in--and if she does it's not for very long. She could miss an opportunity to play and laugh with me!! Sometimes I think even her laughing is sounds forced--even if her parents aren't that funny, she'll give us a courtesy laugh just so we'll keep playing. It's really incredibly cute. She's definitely the FUNNEST baby I've ever played with and it does make our days SO fun!

2. Talk about SOCIAL! If you haven't guessed from everything I've already said, Ella LOVES people. Almost all people, though for a while she was really scared of guys (I think she's almost over that). It makes it SO easy to go anywhere because I know people will love her because she will love them and everyone will love each other and it will be a great time! Pretty much every Sunday at church is like this--she smiles at anyone sitting next to us and immediately has a friend: See ya later when I'm hungry, mom and dad, I've got people to meet!! It makes church, parties, hang-outs, reunions, ANY social event even more fun having Eleanor there! She probably cries less outside the house with other people than she does inside the house with just me. That thought could make me sad, but I'm grateful to have such a social baby so I never have to dread leaving the house!

3. Ella Mei is so sweet and absolutely the EASIEST baby to console. Meaning if there ever is anything wrong, all I have to do is hold her for a couple minutes and/or distract her with a toy or a mirror (her reflection is the surest way to make her smile) and it's like nothing ever happened. Aside from when she feels she needs attention, she RARELY cries and it's so easy to stop if she does! She might bump her head or fall, but play with her right after and she'll probably not even notice. It's so uncommon for me to ever feel like I don't know why she's crying--I count myself beyond lucky for that!

4. With how much Eleanor loves everyone ELSE, it's so special to see all the signs that tell just how much she loves me! Before I became a mom I would've found that statement ridiculous--she's my daughter of course she loves me! But, after having Ellie, those signs that she loves me as her mom are always treasured moments that what I do is worth it and wonderful. I feel fulfilled--complete--not just that everything I do matters, but that it matters to me. I feel this way when she cries when she sees me leave the house; when I come home while Mark is trying to put her to sleep, but upon seeing me she gets so excited it takes an extra twenty minutes; when she's hurt and all she wants is me; when I go into her room in the morning and her face goes from crying to complete excitement when she sees me; the moments when all she wants to do is be held by me. Those little things are what add up, making my life the best that it's ever been.

I guess in the end I always have doubts of whether I'm a complete disaster of a mom--and I'm not fishing for any approbation, but I suppose most moms probably have similar feelings at some point or another. And. I'm far from hopeless--I've got plenty more kids to raise before turning in my test scores! ;)

Being Mom

I've been thinking about writing this post for a while (it's supposed to be the mushy one I've previously alluded to). Yet, I still don't know exactly what I'm going to write. I think I'll start and let myself ramble to wherever my fingers take me. So, here it goes, be prepared for something most likely long and most definitely unedited.

I always knew being a mom was important, but that doesn't mean I always wanted to be. I never DIDN'T want to be a mom, but I was more of a "I want to work for an NGO when I grow up" type of a girl (no, really, that's what I told people when I was, like, 13), not the "I want to be a mom when I grow up" type of a girl. I had plans. But, as I got older I slid back and forth on the importance of starting my own family. Finally, right before I turned 20 I decided having a family would be the most fulfilling thing for me to do with my life--not the only thing I would do with my life, mind you, but the most fulfilling. 

Well, I got the feeling like I should start praying for it. It felt weird so I didn't do it very often, but I did do it. About one or two months later Mark and I started dating. A year later from then we were married. A year later from then we had a one month old baby girl. Yeah, be careful what you pray for. 

But really, I couldn't be more happy. I still have plans, dream, goals---things I'm going to do with my life. Little Ellie will just have to come along for the ride.

The thing is, even though I always knew motherhood was an important role, I didn't know it would feel like it does sometimes. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm in a constant state of lovey-blessed-wonderment [Note: I like the way I described that]......[Note: I haven't done "Note:" in a long time], BUT, there are those moments. 

Sometimes, I'm in complete shock--I think, "THERE IS NO WAY I'M A MOM!!! NO WAY, MAN, NOOOOOOOO WAY!" But, then there are times where it makes so much sense, the thought of me not being a mom makes me think, "PHHHHSSSS, what ELSE would I being doing with my life? Probably not existing." And then there are really special times where I look at this little thing I helped create and think, "How did I get so blessed? How is it possible that I can love someone so much who is so small and so new to me? How can I ever live my life to deserve her?"


The thing is, being a mom of a newborn is stressful. She's been sick this past week and waking up constantly at night just screaming. I've really had it easy with Ellie being such a mellow baby, but for a few nights I got a glimpse into the lives of moms with colic-y babies who won't stop crying even when comforted. Unfortunately, I can't say I felt much of that lovey-blessed feeling during that time [Note: Yeah, I know, I'm trying to be better about that. I've been working on empathy for how she is feeling, instead of getting frustrated].

Totally my new favorite picture of us

Being a new mom (or, from what I gather, any kind of mom) is also time consuming. Yes, I have plans I plan on still accomplishing, but don't ask me how far I've gotten in the whole "achieving" thing. Actually, don't even ask me about the plans at all. Almost every day I look forward to nap times when I can shower, brush my teeth, and BLOG of course [Note: sarcasm].....[Note: maybe because I haven't used the "Note:" for a while, I'm over-using it. Sorry.].

Yet, with all of that, she is still my number one and those special mom feelings still exist--I just don't always take the time to notice them.

I can't wait to see her get older, but at the same time the thought of her ever not being my almost six-month old baby makes me want to cry. Is it just me, or do I sound like an emotional wreck?

Well, this has taken some interesting turns. I think I'll end on this:

One of the most special feelings I have that sometimes brings tears to my eyes is that Eleanor was meant for me, and I for her. Sometimes I get this strong feeling that that she and I were best friends before we came to earth, and that while I was chosen to be her mom, we were both meant to learn from each other. It's an overwhelming feeling that I am to take care of this precious light to the world--that I am responsible for teaching, nurturing, and filling this amazing spirit with so much love. But, I can also be taught by her. Maybe that is one of the real objectives of motherhood and family rearing--to aspire together to be what we otherwise couldn't without each other. One thing's for sure: Eleanor is one special little girl and I am beyond blessed to know her, let alone be her mom.

Why I'm actually not failing at life

So, remember how I was un-employed?

Still unemployed, but with more hope.

I decided to advertise myself on Craigslist as a tutor. It scares me a little that I might not know everything I should, but then I just have to remind myself of all the experiences I've had that should assure otherwise. I just don't think I could handle like a sixteen or seventeen year old that was already super smart. But, so far I've been getting e-mails for thirteen and fourteen years old, so, I'm excited about that. Just keep me in your prayers that this or SOMETHING will work out!

Also the internet is still not installed at our house and I'm starting to lose hope of having it at all this semester.

Also on Tuesday I tried to make this SUPER easy salsa chicken in our new and wonderful crock-pot and I burned salsa all on the sides. A good day and two night's soak made it easier to clean, though it was still a pain trying to get it all off. I don't even know that it's that clean still, but we'll have to wait until next time we use it and see if little black specks accompany our next meal.

Also today I let myself turn the TV on and got stuck watching Criminal Minds (Note: I'll admit it--I'm a stupid sucker for murder investigation TV shows), and I didn't get the floor swept or the bed made. The dishes got clean during commercial breaks though! As did a pile of Mark's old shoes.

So basically what I'm trying to say is sometimes lately I feel like I'm failing at life.

But, then I remind myself that's not even possible. I mean, maybe if I was some kind of murderer that wasn't insane, or even some kind of purposefully mean person without a cause besides selfishness...maybe then I would be failing at life. But, seeing as I'm not either one of those, I must be doing alright.

If there's something I have to be reminded of again and again, it's that life is for learning and then doing. Not always the other way around.

That's kind of my deep thought of the week--just be patient and keep trying. Do better than you did yesterday, but don't expect to be a different person overnight.

So I can't cook! So I hate house-wifey things like cooking and cleaning. So sometimes I like to watch cheesy murder-mystery TV shows as a way of procrastinating  the closest thing to work that I have right now. So I'm unemployed and haven't been able to find a job these last three weeks. I'm still a generally good person! And, I know all those things are really small. Especially in comparison to the great things that have happened these past two weeks.

For one, I have a wonderful Visiting Teaching Companion who is as inspiring as she is sweet! She's from Brazil and I've only been with her now on a few visits, but I adore her! And her cute little girl. Visiting Teaching has been a marvelous uplift to my last couple weeks and I'm sure it will continue to be so in the coming months.  Feeling that extra spirit of love with wonderful women from the church is irreplaceable. When I share my feelings about God and his plan for us, I can feel the spirit whispering in my heart that all I'm saying--all I believe--is true. And, if all I believe is true, then God loves me too much to let me "fail at life" without my prior consent. He's totally got my back.

Also, Mark and I went to the temple yesterday! I loved it and was reminded that strength comes from prayer. I was also reminded that so many little things I stress out about just aren't that important. What's important is my relationship with God and my cute hubby and family.

And lastly, I've been reading the new Relief Society book "Daughters of a Kingdom" and have loved it so much. There's so much in there, I might just write a post about it soon! Yeah, that good!

So, in end to the scatterdness of this post I'll have to say that I will probably end up having weeks of more unemployment, plenty of other completely disastrous attempted cooking adventures, days where I don't feel like folding all my clothes even though I have nothing else to do, and no internet for the rest of the semester.

Yeah, that panda's got it aaaaall figured out

The good thing about all that is none of it even matters. Life is about finding ourselves and using those found talents and characteristics to help others discover what life is about. So honestly, cooking and cleaning might be on the back-burner of my lists of things to do until I figure all that purpose-of-life stuff out first. Just hoping I have my priorities all right.... ;)

Neglection, Rejection, Redemption

[Note: 'Neglection' makes so much more sense than 'neglectfulness' and therefore I'm using it instead...not to mention it sounds prettier]

NEGLECTION.

In my first post, I wrote that this blog was going to be like a journal to write down all of my China experiences and remember them forever. Well, that didn't happen. Mostly I think because I hated my blog background and set-up and the idea of writing into virtual "unknowness" [Note: yes, that also should be a word]. Hence my desire to remove it from my thoughts, despite my previous determination. And, even if I desired to change those things which I hated, I couldn't. China blocks blogger from the internet, and all the proxies I used weren't fast enough to change any of the lay-outs or backgrounds. Also, I was writing quite a few e-mails and skyping a lot and thus felt like I was re-telling the things I had already told to family and friends who read the blog. So, my blog stayed ugly, disorganized, pointless, and... neglected for months.





REJECTION.

But, I've been home from China since the beginning of August and this is my first post since July.

By the time August came around--it was too late. Even though I knew I should just make a few quick changes to my blog and write something--if anything just for myself and memories' sake--I couldn't. I felt complete disdain for my own blog and rejected it--almost thought of deleting it altogether and giving up. It was just too ugly [Note: yes, the words you're trying to avoid saying in your head are true--I was embarrassed--even ashamed of my blog].

But, for some reason (probably because I was too busy planning my wedding in one month to even think about blogs), I left it---left it completely alone to it's pitiful self and hardly thought of it.

REDEMPTION.

Then, it happened.

.......BOREDOM.......


Mark and I got married [Note: blog-post on the wedding and everything is to be expected in the hopefully not so distant future--for now I'll just tell you that it was PERFECT in every possible way] and came to Hawaii after our honeymoon [Note: blog-post on the honeymoon can also be expected in the hopefully not so distant future..... and yes, that was also absolutely PERFECT in every possible way]. Because I've already graduated but Mark (who also happens to be PERFECT in every possible way) is in school (he has a year/year and a half left), there are a lot of times I have nothing to do [Note: I'm aware of the over-use of parentheses/side notes, but I'm keeping them anyway). I've been job-searching and turning in resumes but you can only do that for so many hours a day.......

Alright, I can only do that for so many hours a day! It's excruciating and I just really need to get a job soon.

At any rate, during one of these hours of boredom I thought about my poor neglected, and very much rejected, blog. This time instead of anger and frustration, sympathy came over me as I thought about the poor thing with so much potential. That's when I decided to act and save the thing that I could probably take so much enjoyment in.

I still don't think my blog is just how I want it to be.... I mean, it's not gorgeous... but, it's no longer ugly. As for it being pointless.... well, maybe I'll still have times where I feel like that, but mostly I think it will be fun. The re-vamped blog has things that I will want to write about. This time the blog will just be fun for me. Because (if you couldn't tell by my consistently ridiculously long and overly-worded posts) I enjoy writing--even if just for myself.

And there you have it.... more to come on everything later.... most likely when Mark and I finally get internet and I don't have to come to campus every time I want to blog something.

[Note: all the images in this post were not found on the web--but are pictures of my awesome students from China... I love and miss them].

Random Thoughts on My Lack of Maturity

[Note: the following thoughts are completely random--as I believe is acceptable in typical blogging--and have nothing to do with China. This is the only time you'll read the word "China" and therefore I would warn readers that if you are uninterested in the random writings of the author of this blog which are irrelevant to her China-experience, please read no further and wait for the next post].

Sometimes I find it so hard to fathom life as an adult. Like a real adult. I just feel like such a kid all of the time. Does some kind of transformation happen on a specific birthday to change this un-adult phase? I'm not sure. I've heard it's a slow transformation, but I can't really tell. Sometimes I still feel like I'm 12 years old, so, how long does this slow transformation process go for? I mean, twenty years is a pretty good amount of time. But, on the other hand what part of those twenty years was just spent developing into a self-sufficient functioning human being, and what part was spent "maturing"? Is it possible to have done both at the same time? Maybe a little, but I don't think maturity can come without the ability to perform basic human functions. I mean, it must be hard to be a mature thinker when you can't even change your own diaper—or cut your own spaghetti. Or at least, that's what I imagine (who knows—maybe babies and toddlers are the real mature ones).

So, let's say, for argument's sake, that I started maturing at age 6. By then I should have been potty-trained and have learned enough speech to communicate and understand basically what's going on around me. Plus, I mean, come on—6 year olds are just really cool! So, that really means that I've only had 14 years to go through the adultification transformation process. I would say that's nothing in comparison to the average life of a human being—let's say 75 years. But then that leads us back to the original question—when does a person reach that desired state of "maturity"—does a person live their whole life to reach maturity right before death, or should a person live most of their life already mature?

What a puzzle!

Perhaps a person should spend half of their life becoming mature, and the other half being mature. This would make sense in calculating how much one must learn every year in order to keep-up on the maturity progression—for every year one spends learning, one can spend another year having learned. If so, this would mean a person should reach the final steps of maturation at the age of 34.5 (75-6=69; 69/2=34.5). This would mean that I have 14 years to go until I reach my state of adulthood. That doesn't seem too bad since I'm only in my 14^th year of the transformative process. But, then, as I mentioned, I sometimes still feel like I'm 12 years old. Is that alright? 12 years old was only 6 years into my adultification process and I've had 8 more years since then—because I'm half-way through the transformation, shouldn't I at least start to feel a difference? Perhaps… But, with 14 more years to go, I think I still have a pretty good chance at getting some make-up work done. Of course, I'm no expert.

However, then the question of where is maturity learned comes into play. HOW is maturity developed? I suppose from our parents—they seem to teach us a lot of other things important to life, so why not that? When people are pegged as socially dysfunctional (AKA incomplete in the adultification transformation AKA unfinished adults AKA failures at life), isn't it usually the parents who take the blame? Well, if this is correct then I suppose parents must already be mature in order to teach their children to be mature—how can one teach what one does not know?

This, my friends, poses a problem for me. That cuts down my time to develop into an adult by a few years. This would mean that I must finish my transformation into a mature adult before I have a child who reaches the age of 6 (the aforementioned prescribed age for starting the process in topic). If I have my first child at age 23, then that means I MUST reach maturity by age 29. That's 5.5 years gone! Looks like I really only have maybe around 8.5 years to become mature. And yet I still feel like I'm in year 6 of my transformation!

What if I don't mature fast enough and then my kids won't even have a CHANCE to finish the process which I did not? What if I spend the rest of my life not ever being able to become mature because I'll always be stuck in year 6 maturity level? What if there's something wrong with me and I'll never be able to get past the level I've been in for the past 8 years? That means my children would never become mature and their children's children would never become mature and so forth! That means I'll have ruined generations' chances of living socially functional lives!

…………………………………..

Jeez, you know what? Maturity is over-rated anyway.