Why I'm actually not failing at life

So, remember how I was un-employed?

Still unemployed, but with more hope.

I decided to advertise myself on Craigslist as a tutor. It scares me a little that I might not know everything I should, but then I just have to remind myself of all the experiences I've had that should assure otherwise. I just don't think I could handle like a sixteen or seventeen year old that was already super smart. But, so far I've been getting e-mails for thirteen and fourteen years old, so, I'm excited about that. Just keep me in your prayers that this or SOMETHING will work out!

Also the internet is still not installed at our house and I'm starting to lose hope of having it at all this semester.

Also on Tuesday I tried to make this SUPER easy salsa chicken in our new and wonderful crock-pot and I burned salsa all on the sides. A good day and two night's soak made it easier to clean, though it was still a pain trying to get it all off. I don't even know that it's that clean still, but we'll have to wait until next time we use it and see if little black specks accompany our next meal.

Also today I let myself turn the TV on and got stuck watching Criminal Minds (Note: I'll admit it--I'm a stupid sucker for murder investigation TV shows), and I didn't get the floor swept or the bed made. The dishes got clean during commercial breaks though! As did a pile of Mark's old shoes.

So basically what I'm trying to say is sometimes lately I feel like I'm failing at life.

But, then I remind myself that's not even possible. I mean, maybe if I was some kind of murderer that wasn't insane, or even some kind of purposefully mean person without a cause besides selfishness...maybe then I would be failing at life. But, seeing as I'm not either one of those, I must be doing alright.

If there's something I have to be reminded of again and again, it's that life is for learning and then doing. Not always the other way around.

That's kind of my deep thought of the week--just be patient and keep trying. Do better than you did yesterday, but don't expect to be a different person overnight.

So I can't cook! So I hate house-wifey things like cooking and cleaning. So sometimes I like to watch cheesy murder-mystery TV shows as a way of procrastinating  the closest thing to work that I have right now. So I'm unemployed and haven't been able to find a job these last three weeks. I'm still a generally good person! And, I know all those things are really small. Especially in comparison to the great things that have happened these past two weeks.

For one, I have a wonderful Visiting Teaching Companion who is as inspiring as she is sweet! She's from Brazil and I've only been with her now on a few visits, but I adore her! And her cute little girl. Visiting Teaching has been a marvelous uplift to my last couple weeks and I'm sure it will continue to be so in the coming months.  Feeling that extra spirit of love with wonderful women from the church is irreplaceable. When I share my feelings about God and his plan for us, I can feel the spirit whispering in my heart that all I'm saying--all I believe--is true. And, if all I believe is true, then God loves me too much to let me "fail at life" without my prior consent. He's totally got my back.

Also, Mark and I went to the temple yesterday! I loved it and was reminded that strength comes from prayer. I was also reminded that so many little things I stress out about just aren't that important. What's important is my relationship with God and my cute hubby and family.

And lastly, I've been reading the new Relief Society book "Daughters of a Kingdom" and have loved it so much. There's so much in there, I might just write a post about it soon! Yeah, that good!

So, in end to the scatterdness of this post I'll have to say that I will probably end up having weeks of more unemployment, plenty of other completely disastrous attempted cooking adventures, days where I don't feel like folding all my clothes even though I have nothing else to do, and no internet for the rest of the semester.

Yeah, that panda's got it aaaaall figured out

The good thing about all that is none of it even matters. Life is about finding ourselves and using those found talents and characteristics to help others discover what life is about. So honestly, cooking and cleaning might be on the back-burner of my lists of things to do until I figure all that purpose-of-life stuff out first. Just hoping I have my priorities all right.... ;)

Neglection, Rejection, Redemption

[Note: 'Neglection' makes so much more sense than 'neglectfulness' and therefore I'm using it instead...not to mention it sounds prettier]

NEGLECTION.

In my first post, I wrote that this blog was going to be like a journal to write down all of my China experiences and remember them forever. Well, that didn't happen. Mostly I think because I hated my blog background and set-up and the idea of writing into virtual "unknowness" [Note: yes, that also should be a word]. Hence my desire to remove it from my thoughts, despite my previous determination. And, even if I desired to change those things which I hated, I couldn't. China blocks blogger from the internet, and all the proxies I used weren't fast enough to change any of the lay-outs or backgrounds. Also, I was writing quite a few e-mails and skyping a lot and thus felt like I was re-telling the things I had already told to family and friends who read the blog. So, my blog stayed ugly, disorganized, pointless, and... neglected for months.





REJECTION.

But, I've been home from China since the beginning of August and this is my first post since July.

By the time August came around--it was too late. Even though I knew I should just make a few quick changes to my blog and write something--if anything just for myself and memories' sake--I couldn't. I felt complete disdain for my own blog and rejected it--almost thought of deleting it altogether and giving up. It was just too ugly [Note: yes, the words you're trying to avoid saying in your head are true--I was embarrassed--even ashamed of my blog].

But, for some reason (probably because I was too busy planning my wedding in one month to even think about blogs), I left it---left it completely alone to it's pitiful self and hardly thought of it.

REDEMPTION.

Then, it happened.

.......BOREDOM.......


Mark and I got married [Note: blog-post on the wedding and everything is to be expected in the hopefully not so distant future--for now I'll just tell you that it was PERFECT in every possible way] and came to Hawaii after our honeymoon [Note: blog-post on the honeymoon can also be expected in the hopefully not so distant future..... and yes, that was also absolutely PERFECT in every possible way]. Because I've already graduated but Mark (who also happens to be PERFECT in every possible way) is in school (he has a year/year and a half left), there are a lot of times I have nothing to do [Note: I'm aware of the over-use of parentheses/side notes, but I'm keeping them anyway). I've been job-searching and turning in resumes but you can only do that for so many hours a day.......

Alright, I can only do that for so many hours a day! It's excruciating and I just really need to get a job soon.

At any rate, during one of these hours of boredom I thought about my poor neglected, and very much rejected, blog. This time instead of anger and frustration, sympathy came over me as I thought about the poor thing with so much potential. That's when I decided to act and save the thing that I could probably take so much enjoyment in.

I still don't think my blog is just how I want it to be.... I mean, it's not gorgeous... but, it's no longer ugly. As for it being pointless.... well, maybe I'll still have times where I feel like that, but mostly I think it will be fun. The re-vamped blog has things that I will want to write about. This time the blog will just be fun for me. Because (if you couldn't tell by my consistently ridiculously long and overly-worded posts) I enjoy writing--even if just for myself.

And there you have it.... more to come on everything later.... most likely when Mark and I finally get internet and I don't have to come to campus every time I want to blog something.

[Note: all the images in this post were not found on the web--but are pictures of my awesome students from China... I love and miss them].