Saturday, September 24, 2011

Neglection, Rejection, Redemption

[Note: 'Neglection' makes so much more sense than 'neglectfulness' and therefore I'm using it instead...not to mention it sounds prettier]


In my first post, I wrote that this blog was going to be like a journal to write down all of my China experiences and remember them forever. Well, that didn't happen. Mostly I think because I hated my blog background and set-up and the idea of writing into virtual "unknowness" [Note: yes, that also should be a word]. Hence my desire to remove it from my thoughts, despite my previous determination. And, even if I desired to change those things which I hated, I couldn't. China blocks blogger from the internet, and all the proxies I used weren't fast enough to change any of the lay-outs or backgrounds. Also, I was writing quite a few e-mails and skyping a lot and thus felt like I was re-telling the things I had already told to family and friends who read the blog. So, my blog stayed ugly, disorganized, pointless, and... neglected for months.


But, I've been home from China since the beginning of August and this is my first post since July.

By the time August came around--it was too late. Even though I knew I should just make a few quick changes to my blog and write something--if anything just for myself and memories' sake--I couldn't. I felt complete disdain for my own blog and rejected it--almost thought of deleting it altogether and giving up. It was just too ugly [Note: yes, the words you're trying to avoid saying in your head are true--I was embarrassed--even ashamed of my blog].

But, for some reason (probably because I was too busy planning my wedding in one month to even think about blogs), I left it---left it completely alone to it's pitiful self and hardly thought of it.


Then, it happened.


Mark and I got married [Note: blog-post on the wedding and everything is to be expected in the hopefully not so distant future--for now I'll just tell you that it was PERFECT in every possible way] and came to Hawaii after our honeymoon [Note: blog-post on the honeymoon can also be expected in the hopefully not so distant future..... and yes, that was also absolutely PERFECT in every possible way]. Because I've already graduated but Mark (who also happens to be PERFECT in every possible way) is in school (he has a year/year and a half left), there are a lot of times I have nothing to do [Note: I'm aware of the over-use of parentheses/side notes, but I'm keeping them anyway). I've been job-searching and turning in resumes but you can only do that for so many hours a day.......

Alright, I can only do that for so many hours a day! It's excruciating and I just really need to get a job soon.

At any rate, during one of these hours of boredom I thought about my poor neglected, and very much rejected, blog. This time instead of anger and frustration, sympathy came over me as I thought about the poor thing with so much potential. That's when I decided to act and save the thing that I could probably take so much enjoyment in.

I still don't think my blog is just how I want it to be.... I mean, it's not gorgeous... but, it's no longer ugly. As for it being pointless.... well, maybe I'll still have times where I feel like that, but mostly I think it will be fun. The re-vamped blog has things that I will want to write about. This time the blog will just be fun for me. Because (if you couldn't tell by my consistently ridiculously long and overly-worded posts) I enjoy writing--even if just for myself.

And there you have it.... more to come on everything later.... most likely when Mark and I finally get internet and I don't have to come to campus every time I want to blog something.

[Note: all the images in this post were not found on the web--but are pictures of my awesome students from China... I love and miss them].